Knocked Out By The "Knocked Up"

      Ah pregnancy, being with child, in the family way, expecting, having a bun in the oven, knocked up, buying tickets for two or even preggers(my least favorite). However you say it, it's the magical time when we create the miracle of life. It's breathtaking, beautiful, life-changing and any other word you can think of that fits the awe-inspiring event taking place in your own mid-regions. What it isn't however, is a time when your emotions are at their most stable of levels. The slightest "event" can throw us into what I call a catacomb full of crazy and there's no turning back from that descent(at least not for 38-40 weeks). So when interacting with a woman growing a pea in her pod, there is definitely a protocol to be followed. Handle with care! There should be a pamphlet available that an expecting woman can hand out whenever they feel they may encounter a person lacking the common knowledge to make it through this interaction with both parties left unscathed. "You Too Can Talk To Women: Pregnancy Edition. A list of conversational "don'ts" for engaging with the (temporarily) emotional.
   Don't ever(EVER) make an assumption regarding the amount of children gestating within a woman's womb! Obviously, the words "Awe, twins" should never leave your mouth unless you have a verified, signed, sealed, stamped and notarized document from the woman herself and her doctor that there is in fact more than one infant pending delivery.  Tread as if on the thinnest of ice with whatever words you use. "You look so good," or "pregnancy looks great on you" are always safe choices. Choose wisely.
     Also, refrain from uttering anything regarding how "tired" they may appear. Of course they are tired! Not only are they producing a life form inside of themselves and packing said being around with them like a kangaroo for 9 months, they're are doing it without a ever getting a good nights rest. It's a cruel truth! You tuck a 5-9 lb.(or God forbid larger, yikes) bowling ball that likes to kick your kidneys for fun under you shirt and see how deep into a slumber you can get. There are bags under her eyes for good reason. Now would be a good time to time to flawlessly deliver a "you're positively glowing" type sentiment. Use your head people!
     Finally, never under any circumstances guess how close to a woman's due date she is based on your layman's observation of her "circumference". When posing the question "when are you due", know that this woman's fragile feelings are literally hanging on your response to whatever answer she gives. I once had a neighbor slap me with the statement "when are you going to have that baby already" two months after my first son had been born. Ouch! Words like "wow, I would have guessed it was a lot further away than that" or "you don't look nearly that far along" are always ideal answers. Be prepared!
      While not everyone has experienced the marathon that is maternity, (obviously men, we're not watching "Junior" here) you have no doubt been in contact with a "with child" woman once in your lifetime. Use your common(or surprisingly uncommon) sense here. Yes they may seem like a big bag of crazy now, but trust in the fact that they won't always be this unpredictable puzzle of a person. The original version of her is in there somewhere and they will return eventually. In the meantime, handle with care like your life depends on it...cause it very well may.

Thanks goes to Heele Mascaro Eden for the great topic. Maybe we can change the world one clueless citizen at a time.